Wedding tips from a veteran Best Man.

Ok, I've done the best man gig twice now, and there are a few things that I have discovered about weddings that I think everyone should know about.

1. Weddings are a much bigger pain in the ass than you think.
Consider all of the details of your perfect wedding. The type of flowers you want, the dress, the color theme, the reception. It's lovely isn't it?
Now consider the other things. The invitations, the thank you cards, the seating arrangements, the photographers, the DJ, the back seat bridesmaids. Shit goes from lovely to horrifying really fast.
Simple tip: Focus on simplicity. The wedding is going to be inherently complicated, so try not to add more complication to your plate.

2. There is going to be drama.
Without fail, someone is going to be pissed or emo about your wedding. If you're very lucky it won't be one of the people actually getting married. But the best thing you can do is to assign a bulldog on the bride and groom's side. The groomsman bulldog basically acts as a bouncer. His job is to kick drama out the door to make sure it doesn't fuck with you. The bridesmaid bulldog has the job of trying to catch the drama before it becomes unmanageable. These people have a rough job, make sure to do something nice for them.

3. Make sure you keep your wedding gift registry in the price range of your guests.
If most of your friends are poor, make sure you give them cheap options. They feel obligated to give you something, but don't try to break the bank.

4. Be ready to compromise.
As part of the process you may feel like everyone is trying to influence your decisions, and when you are in the planning phase you should tell people to go fuck themselves. It's your wedding, do it how you want. However, as you get closer and closer to zero hour, be ready to ditch your elaborate plans when they become too convoluted or too costly to keep. Yes having the bride and groom arrive in carriages might be awesome, but not cheap, and if the church has no ability to handle horses, you're kinda stuck.

5. Be willing to delegate, and be ready for the consequences of that delegation.
Firstly, don't try to do every little thing yourself. Yes you may have a special way you want the napkins folded, but teach it to someone else and let them do it. However, don't get pissed off if they don't look exactly the way you want them. Yes within reason, but they are trying to help you, don't get pissed at them.

6. Avoid having too many chiefs.
You need one master plan, and for everyone to follow that, don't let other people try to influence your plans or to try to turn your wedding into their ideal wedding. Fuck those people.

7. Clearly define everyone's roles. The first time I was a best man I had no idea what to say for my toast. The second time I wasn't notified that I was the best man until the day before the wedding. Fortunately I managed to pull together an awesome speech the second time, and the first time I managed to pass it off to someone who did know what to say. But think clearly, people don't automatically know what you want them to do at their wedding. Do you want a bachelor party? Should the speech avoid any specific topics? Should the bridesmaids attempt to match accessories? Important details to remember. You can always pass the buck to someone else, but you do need to make sure that person knows what you want.

8. Make sure to take time to enjoy yourself.
Weddings are a stressful time for the couple in question. If you don't focus on your own happiness then the beginning of your new life together is going to be a constant reminder of one of the most stressful days of your life. Take naps, cuddle, remind eachother why you are doing this. And get good and drunk at the reception. Unless you really want that wedding night sex to be special, expect your wedding night to be spent passed out from exhaustion.

9. Skip the wedding night sex.
Unless you are getting a quick civil service, you are going to be entirely too wiped out to perform properly in the bedroom. Just go to sleep, and try to impress eachother the next day when you are less tired.