Sorry for the lack of content lately my readers, been dealing with health issues and working on writing a book. So my attention has been elsewhere. But due to the downtime from being ill I have had a respectable amount of free time for movie watching, so here are a couple movies I've reviewed.
The Island (new version)
Actually kinda enjoyed this one. Ewan McGregor star in this post-modern dystopian thriller where they are basically playing 5/15 year olds in 30 year old's bodies. The progression of the reveal was very solid, you start realizing things at about the same time that the main characters do, with the exception of course of the Title mystery about the Island. Twists like that haven't surprised us since Soylent Green. Not a great film, but if it's on cable, I'd recommend it.
Daybreakers
Really interesting take on a usually very overcrowded genre. Everyone is getting really sick of Vampire movies. They are everywhere. Movies, TV shows, comics, novels, the damn things are everywhere. The market is literally saturated in vampires. And they always follow the same basic rules.
Vampires are rare and hiding among us.
They randomly fall in love with humans.
Their weaknesses only come into play at the climax of the story.
This film says "Fuck that" to all of those rules.
In this world the ENTIRE population got turned into vampires, because they follow the rule that absolutely everyone who is bitten by a vampire gets turned into one. Then there is the matter of adjusting society to a nocturnal lifestyle. Sun protection walkways and cars, the entire civilization is based around hiding from the sun. The love story isn't between a vampire and a human, it's between two surviving humans who are trying not to be eaten by the vampires.
Really well done, if you haven't seen it, go see it.
And as a bonus, Movies I am most looking forward to for the next four months:
(Feb 1)
Warm Bodies: A love story between a zombie and a human? Even if it's terrible, it's such an amusing idea that I am totally in.
(March 8)
OZ the great and powerful: Love wizard of OZ, and this is one where they don't bother with Dorothy or Toto. Kinda like Wicked, which I also enjoy.
(May 3)
Iron Man 3: Do I really need to even describe this one? If you saw the first two, you're going to see this one.
(May 17)
Star Trek Into Darkness: Sequel to the Trek reboot. Yet again, if you are a Trek fan, you're going to see this film.
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Monday, January 14, 2013
What's wrong with Comic Books (and how to fix them)
Ok, I'm sure that title will incite some nerd-rage, but hear me out.
Alot of things in comic books just don't make any sense.
Some of them we suspend our disbelief for like inconsistencies in a character's powers or backstory.
Example: Superman was supposed to be the last survivor of Krypton , but then there is Kara Kent i.e. Super Girl. But then she got ret-conned. But then we still have the Kryptonian city of Kandor. Which has remained canon throughout most of the franchise.
But the audience looks the other way because his title as "The last son of Krypton" is classic.
No, the complaints I have are about logical fallacies.
#1 Batman
Batman hides his face to protect his identity and the identities of those around him. He initially refuses to take on Robin as a partner because of the risk involved. His parents were killed by a random criminal, so super criminals are much more likely to cause loss of life. Batman himself has been "killed" or tragically injured many times. Bat-girl got crippled, Jason Todd was killed, Tim Drake got possessed by the Joker and driven insane. It really does not pay to be associated with Batman. And he knew this. He initially said "Hell Fuck No, I'm not fighting crime with a random 10-year old minor who I just adopted."
Then Dick Grayson put on a pair a pair of green underwear and Batman's latent pedophilia swayed him into bringing the kid along.
Are they fucking serious?
No, Fuck that. Batman is Bat-Man because he's suppose to be scary and solitary.
He can have loved ones, but they need to be in the dark about his second life. Right now in the comics he has an entire batman franchise system where he has "Batman cells" throughout the world who all fight crime in his name.
How to fix it:
Kill off Dick Grayson and Alfred Pennyworth. And keep them dead.
Both characters have been effectively immortal since the very beginning, and he's been mourning the loss of his parents since the 1930's. He replaced his parents, he has a new family now. Kill them off so that he still has a reason to hate criminals. Feel free to keep Bat-Girl around, but make him pissed off that she won't retire. Too many people know Bruce Wayne's secret. It makes literally no sense that his secret identity isn't common knowledge at this point.
#2 DC Universe as a whole.
Ok, two major gripes here. Firstly is the rampant difference in power levels. Realistically Batman could never, ever, ever beat Superman in a fight. Superman could shoot him with heat vision from space and Batman would have no way to defend against that. Yes Batman has some Kryptonite, but fat lot of good that would do against 16 miles of distance. Non-powered super heroes have no business being in the same universe as the god-like JLA folks.
Second gripe, Money. It's the Scrooge McDuck conundrum. All of the money in the DC universe is owned by Bruce Wayne or Lex Luthor. Wayne has his secret Bat-Army and the JLA Watchtower, and god knows what else. Luthor keeps blowing all of his money on trillion-dollar death lasers to use on Superman, which of course don't work and get destroyed.
How to fix it:
Firstly, separate the comics. But Batman, Green Arrow, The Question, Huntress, etc into one comic franchise. Then put all of the Meta-humans in another.
Secondly, Put finite limits on the economy. Bruce Wayne and Lex Luthor would have destroyed the world's economy many times over based on how they spend money. Yes, they are rich, but they can't just throw money at every single problem and be completely unaffected. Another key reason to reduce the number of Bat-people is that it reduces his spending. And if you separate him from the JLA then no more spending crazy money on space stations.
#3 Superman
Superman's biggest problem is the ever-changing lack of definition in his power set. Supposedly he has enhanced senses, super strength, flight, super speed, heat vision, and frost breath. However, those powers and how strong they are change from issue to issue.
How to fix it:
Set specific definitions and limits to his powers. If he's truly invulnerable, then nothing should EVER be able to hurt him unless Kryptonite or Magic are involved. If he's just damage-resistant, ok, then all of the bruisers (Darkseid, Lobo, etc) should atleast have a CHANCE to take him down. Be specific. And stop adding powers whenever.
#4 Spider-Man
Spider-Man is a major logic jump. Peter Parker wears a mask because he wants to protect his family, yet because he stays with his family, they are constantly being kidnapped, killed, beaten, brainwashed, etc.
How to fix it:
During the Clone Saga Peter Parker became convinced that he was actually a clone of himself. So he went off and created a new identity for himself. He became Ben Reilly, a random bartender with blonde hair. Instead of Peter Parker, a scientist/ Photographer/ guy whom weird stuff always happens to. If Peter really wants to protect his family, he needs to leave them and become someone else. Those who know the risks and are willing to live with them can join him in his new life. Also, ditch Mary-Jane. Marrying a TV star is not a good way to keep a low profile to hide your secret identity.
#5 X-Titles (X-men, X-Factor, X-Calibur, X-Force, X-Nation, etc)
Ok, so here is some simple math. if there is only supposed to be less than 0.001% of the world's population being mutants, why are there so many goddamn mutants? Seriously, entire countries of mutants, mutants throughout the world. Even after "House of M" there was seriously too many frigging mutants. It's just ridiculous. I barely care about the X-Men, asking me to keep track of the 10 million other mutants is insane.
How to fix it:
Kill off or Ret-con most of the mutants. Seriously, most of them were retarded from day 1, who the fuck cares if they disappear? The protagonists that remain should be a small group with good/ interesting powers that make a complete group.
For example:
Wolverine- immortal melee wrecking machine
Colossus- Buff guy/ melee wrecking machine
Shadowcat- Hello best thief ever, yes, we do want you on our team.
Storm- She controls the weather and can fly, yes, we want you. Plus awesome ranged attacks.
Nightcrawler (or any other good teleporter)- yes, the group needs to be able to travel fast, and as mentioned earlier, I'm not a fan of the unlimited money for a new X-Jet every week.
Iceman- Immortal master of ICE. He's like Mr. Freeze, but cooler.
Cable- Leader who is not afraid to make the tough choices. Plus future technology and teleporting/time travel. Hell, with Cable you could get rid of Nightcrawler. Also, guns. Lots and lots of guns.
Things to avoid with this kind of reboot:
Omega-Level mutants: Phoenix, X-Man, etc. Mutants that can Ret-con the world @will.
Telepathy: It's too easy to sweep everything under the rug when the only thing stopping the title character from world domination is his morality. Plus it's really boring in the art. Hell, make a couple villains telepathic, but keep them out of the heroes.
Pacifism: It's a comic about superheroes fighting, stop kidding yourselves.
Really, the X-titles are just insanely bloated with powers and characters who have them. Why have seventeen insanely strong characters? Just have one. Make them unique. So it's Rock-Paper-Scissors rather than Rock-Rock-Rock.
And my last complaint:
Goddamn Alliteration.
Peter Parker, Lana Lang, Lois Lane, Reed Richards, Sue Storm, Wally West, Bruce Banner, Wade Wilson.
Yes it makes the name easier to remember, if you're 7. But when you grow up it just sounds retarded. Bruce Wayne is just as memorable and he has a real name like a normal person (who was born in 1918).
So many great super heroes have normal names, that the ones with Alliteration just seem out of place. It makes the whole thing seem like a Golden Age comics flashback. Fuck that, give them real names.
Alot of things in comic books just don't make any sense.
Some of them we suspend our disbelief for like inconsistencies in a character's powers or backstory.
Example: Superman was supposed to be the last survivor of Krypton , but then there is Kara Kent i.e. Super Girl. But then she got ret-conned. But then we still have the Kryptonian city of Kandor. Which has remained canon throughout most of the franchise.
But the audience looks the other way because his title as "The last son of Krypton" is classic.
No, the complaints I have are about logical fallacies.
#1 Batman
Batman hides his face to protect his identity and the identities of those around him. He initially refuses to take on Robin as a partner because of the risk involved. His parents were killed by a random criminal, so super criminals are much more likely to cause loss of life. Batman himself has been "killed" or tragically injured many times. Bat-girl got crippled, Jason Todd was killed, Tim Drake got possessed by the Joker and driven insane. It really does not pay to be associated with Batman. And he knew this. He initially said "Hell Fuck No, I'm not fighting crime with a random 10-year old minor who I just adopted."
Then Dick Grayson put on a pair a pair of green underwear and Batman's latent pedophilia swayed him into bringing the kid along.
Are they fucking serious?
No, Fuck that. Batman is Bat-Man because he's suppose to be scary and solitary.
He can have loved ones, but they need to be in the dark about his second life. Right now in the comics he has an entire batman franchise system where he has "Batman cells" throughout the world who all fight crime in his name.
How to fix it:
Kill off Dick Grayson and Alfred Pennyworth. And keep them dead.
Both characters have been effectively immortal since the very beginning, and he's been mourning the loss of his parents since the 1930's. He replaced his parents, he has a new family now. Kill them off so that he still has a reason to hate criminals. Feel free to keep Bat-Girl around, but make him pissed off that she won't retire. Too many people know Bruce Wayne's secret. It makes literally no sense that his secret identity isn't common knowledge at this point.
#2 DC Universe as a whole.
Ok, two major gripes here. Firstly is the rampant difference in power levels. Realistically Batman could never, ever, ever beat Superman in a fight. Superman could shoot him with heat vision from space and Batman would have no way to defend against that. Yes Batman has some Kryptonite, but fat lot of good that would do against 16 miles of distance. Non-powered super heroes have no business being in the same universe as the god-like JLA folks.
Second gripe, Money. It's the Scrooge McDuck conundrum. All of the money in the DC universe is owned by Bruce Wayne or Lex Luthor. Wayne has his secret Bat-Army and the JLA Watchtower, and god knows what else. Luthor keeps blowing all of his money on trillion-dollar death lasers to use on Superman, which of course don't work and get destroyed.
How to fix it:
Firstly, separate the comics. But Batman, Green Arrow, The Question, Huntress, etc into one comic franchise. Then put all of the Meta-humans in another.
Secondly, Put finite limits on the economy. Bruce Wayne and Lex Luthor would have destroyed the world's economy many times over based on how they spend money. Yes, they are rich, but they can't just throw money at every single problem and be completely unaffected. Another key reason to reduce the number of Bat-people is that it reduces his spending. And if you separate him from the JLA then no more spending crazy money on space stations.
#3 Superman
Superman's biggest problem is the ever-changing lack of definition in his power set. Supposedly he has enhanced senses, super strength, flight, super speed, heat vision, and frost breath. However, those powers and how strong they are change from issue to issue.
How to fix it:
Set specific definitions and limits to his powers. If he's truly invulnerable, then nothing should EVER be able to hurt him unless Kryptonite or Magic are involved. If he's just damage-resistant, ok, then all of the bruisers (Darkseid, Lobo, etc) should atleast have a CHANCE to take him down. Be specific. And stop adding powers whenever.
#4 Spider-Man
Spider-Man is a major logic jump. Peter Parker wears a mask because he wants to protect his family, yet because he stays with his family, they are constantly being kidnapped, killed, beaten, brainwashed, etc.
How to fix it:
During the Clone Saga Peter Parker became convinced that he was actually a clone of himself. So he went off and created a new identity for himself. He became Ben Reilly, a random bartender with blonde hair. Instead of Peter Parker, a scientist/ Photographer/ guy whom weird stuff always happens to. If Peter really wants to protect his family, he needs to leave them and become someone else. Those who know the risks and are willing to live with them can join him in his new life. Also, ditch Mary-Jane. Marrying a TV star is not a good way to keep a low profile to hide your secret identity.
#5 X-Titles (X-men, X-Factor, X-Calibur, X-Force, X-Nation, etc)
Ok, so here is some simple math. if there is only supposed to be less than 0.001% of the world's population being mutants, why are there so many goddamn mutants? Seriously, entire countries of mutants, mutants throughout the world. Even after "House of M" there was seriously too many frigging mutants. It's just ridiculous. I barely care about the X-Men, asking me to keep track of the 10 million other mutants is insane.
How to fix it:
Kill off or Ret-con most of the mutants. Seriously, most of them were retarded from day 1, who the fuck cares if they disappear? The protagonists that remain should be a small group with good/ interesting powers that make a complete group.
For example:
Wolverine- immortal melee wrecking machine
Colossus- Buff guy/ melee wrecking machine
Shadowcat- Hello best thief ever, yes, we do want you on our team.
Storm- She controls the weather and can fly, yes, we want you. Plus awesome ranged attacks.
Nightcrawler (or any other good teleporter)- yes, the group needs to be able to travel fast, and as mentioned earlier, I'm not a fan of the unlimited money for a new X-Jet every week.
Iceman- Immortal master of ICE. He's like Mr. Freeze, but cooler.
Cable- Leader who is not afraid to make the tough choices. Plus future technology and teleporting/time travel. Hell, with Cable you could get rid of Nightcrawler. Also, guns. Lots and lots of guns.
Things to avoid with this kind of reboot:
Omega-Level mutants: Phoenix, X-Man, etc. Mutants that can Ret-con the world @will.
Telepathy: It's too easy to sweep everything under the rug when the only thing stopping the title character from world domination is his morality. Plus it's really boring in the art. Hell, make a couple villains telepathic, but keep them out of the heroes.
Pacifism: It's a comic about superheroes fighting, stop kidding yourselves.
Really, the X-titles are just insanely bloated with powers and characters who have them. Why have seventeen insanely strong characters? Just have one. Make them unique. So it's Rock-Paper-Scissors rather than Rock-Rock-Rock.
And my last complaint:
Goddamn Alliteration.
Peter Parker, Lana Lang, Lois Lane, Reed Richards, Sue Storm, Wally West, Bruce Banner, Wade Wilson.
Yes it makes the name easier to remember, if you're 7. But when you grow up it just sounds retarded. Bruce Wayne is just as memorable and he has a real name like a normal person (who was born in 1918).
So many great super heroes have normal names, that the ones with Alliteration just seem out of place. It makes the whole thing seem like a Golden Age comics flashback. Fuck that, give them real names.
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