Don't fucking watch this movie. Seriously, I have sat through both twilight movies, THIS IS WORSE! This is almost StarWars X-mas special-bad.
Plot is awful "The world has ended, all humans have either turned into mutants or gone feral. All of your livestock and housepets have turned into giant dinosaurs" This is legit, not making any of this up. All of the monsters are claymation horrifying piles of shit. And the basic theme seems to be "girl is minding her own business, guys attempt to rape her, hero guy rescues her from rapists, hero guy tries to rape her, she runs, into a dinosaur, hero guy rescues her again, repeat.
I almost started screaming at the screen they hurry up and rape her so we could all get on with our lives.
They seem to be constantly traveling, but have no destination, just continuing on to the next location and the next monster.
"B" movies are bad, some are soo bad that they become good, this one does not. I wouldn't even call it a "B" movie, that's too high praise.
Seriously, I cannot warn you away from this film urgently enough. If you want a good laugh, watch the first 5 minutes of it, it's like the old 50's movie commercial where a narrator tells you exactly what's going to happen. That's mildly amusing, but just in how bad it is.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
What you missed this season in heroes..
Before you read any further, please be aware *SPOILER ALERT*
Ok, those of you who don't care about spoilers but do want the nerd-rage:
Claire suddenly becomes a lesbian, then in the last episode becomes the most poorly written character ever (after successfully hiding her identity as a super for 5 or six seasons, she suddenly decided to reveal herself on national TV).
Peter dates a deaf doctor and becomes friends with Sylar.
Sylar becomes a good guy after he and Peter spend 5 relative years trapped together in a telepathic prison.
Matt Parkman is still an awful character. With the death of Daphne last season he gets back with his cheating ex-wife and is now a stay-at home dad. He does the vast majority of his appearances this season in his own living room.
Noah Bennet starts dating Lauren, his former partner, whom he had an affair with but refused to leave his wife for. Now that his wife left him, he goes crawling back to lauren. We also discover that his dog-loving wife is actually his second wife. his first wife was murdered by a super and he joined the company to get revenge. The company also made him marry his second wife to become less of a psycho. Noah joins the ranks of extremely poorly written characters.
Tracy Strauss (like the 4rth incarnation of the same actress) still isn't dead, basically she can't die, she just turns into water. She's also vaguely enamoured with Noah, making her like the 4th love interest in him during the series.
Hiro gets his brain tumor removed and finally reunites with his beloved Charlie, however she was dumped back in the year 1944, so she's now very old and has a family so hiro can't just go back in time and bring her back to the present.
Ando is still a sidekick and still gets to use his power about once a season. But now he is engaged to Hiro's sister, so he's happy.
The Haitian still appears and disappears only when the plot calls for him. He appears every few episodes whenever one of the main characters needs their memory wiped.
Characters that died and stayed dead:
Nathan Petrelli (Finally)
Previous versions of Tracy Strauss
Artist-boy from season one
Peter's Original girlfriend
Hiro's dad
Hiro's mom
Nathan and Peter's dad
Matt's Dad (well he's trapped in a telepathic prison, but he's been gone from the show ever since)
The "I can do what I see on TV" girl
The brother of the death eyes girl.
Claire's birthmother
Daphne
Immortal guy who hates hiro (really did like that character and was irritated when they killed him off)
People that randomly disappeared from the series:
Mohinder (vanished like 4 episodes ago and has not been seen since)
Claire's 1st boyfriend
Claire's 2nd boyfriend
Claire's 3rd boyfriend
Death eyes girl
"I can talk to machines boy" (rescues Tracy last season then disappears)
Peter's Irish girlfriend who gets stuck in the alternate future.
So after all of the bizarre story arcs and ridiculous cast changes, I really hope this show gets cancelled. It's like crack, it's not a good show and the writers should be dragged out and shot for having a worse story arc than Dynasty, but it's very hard to stop watching the train wreck.
So for the good of everyone else, NBC, please stop making this show. It's entirely too fucked up, convoluted and confusing for anyone to enjoy. The only way to even know what's going on is to have watched every single episode from the beginning of season one. And if you have watched every episode then the constant plot resets will make you very, very angry.
Ok, those of you who don't care about spoilers but do want the nerd-rage:
Claire suddenly becomes a lesbian, then in the last episode becomes the most poorly written character ever (after successfully hiding her identity as a super for 5 or six seasons, she suddenly decided to reveal herself on national TV).
Peter dates a deaf doctor and becomes friends with Sylar.
Sylar becomes a good guy after he and Peter spend 5 relative years trapped together in a telepathic prison.
Matt Parkman is still an awful character. With the death of Daphne last season he gets back with his cheating ex-wife and is now a stay-at home dad. He does the vast majority of his appearances this season in his own living room.
Noah Bennet starts dating Lauren, his former partner, whom he had an affair with but refused to leave his wife for. Now that his wife left him, he goes crawling back to lauren. We also discover that his dog-loving wife is actually his second wife. his first wife was murdered by a super and he joined the company to get revenge. The company also made him marry his second wife to become less of a psycho. Noah joins the ranks of extremely poorly written characters.
Tracy Strauss (like the 4rth incarnation of the same actress) still isn't dead, basically she can't die, she just turns into water. She's also vaguely enamoured with Noah, making her like the 4th love interest in him during the series.
Hiro gets his brain tumor removed and finally reunites with his beloved Charlie, however she was dumped back in the year 1944, so she's now very old and has a family so hiro can't just go back in time and bring her back to the present.
Ando is still a sidekick and still gets to use his power about once a season. But now he is engaged to Hiro's sister, so he's happy.
The Haitian still appears and disappears only when the plot calls for him. He appears every few episodes whenever one of the main characters needs their memory wiped.
Characters that died and stayed dead:
Nathan Petrelli (Finally)
Previous versions of Tracy Strauss
Artist-boy from season one
Peter's Original girlfriend
Hiro's dad
Hiro's mom
Nathan and Peter's dad
Matt's Dad (well he's trapped in a telepathic prison, but he's been gone from the show ever since)
The "I can do what I see on TV" girl
The brother of the death eyes girl.
Claire's birthmother
Daphne
Immortal guy who hates hiro (really did like that character and was irritated when they killed him off)
People that randomly disappeared from the series:
Mohinder (vanished like 4 episodes ago and has not been seen since)
Claire's 1st boyfriend
Claire's 2nd boyfriend
Claire's 3rd boyfriend
Death eyes girl
"I can talk to machines boy" (rescues Tracy last season then disappears)
Peter's Irish girlfriend who gets stuck in the alternate future.
So after all of the bizarre story arcs and ridiculous cast changes, I really hope this show gets cancelled. It's like crack, it's not a good show and the writers should be dragged out and shot for having a worse story arc than Dynasty, but it's very hard to stop watching the train wreck.
So for the good of everyone else, NBC, please stop making this show. It's entirely too fucked up, convoluted and confusing for anyone to enjoy. The only way to even know what's going on is to have watched every single episode from the beginning of season one. And if you have watched every episode then the constant plot resets will make you very, very angry.
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