Etiquite of Relationships.

Etiquitte of Relationships

Etiquitte of relationships
these rules are here as funny advice to avoid certain mishaps that most couples end up dealing with. they are not meant to be sexist or anything of the sort, just funny and hopefully helpful. if you don't find them to be either, then just don't read them next time. if you really don't like them then post a reply telling me how you feel about them, and maybe i'll take your advice.


1. guys, you are required to go shopping atleast once with your girlfriend. you are required not to gripe and complain and you must offer something resembling an opinion. girls, you must remember that what you invite him to shop for has direct corelation with how much he enjoys himself and if he'll ever go shopping with you again. for example if you take him lingerie shopping then he will definetly be back for another round. but if you take him shoe shopping then he may end up scarred for life and flee under a desk everytime you mention the word "shop". so pick your mission wisely.

2. girls, you have full right to ask your boyfriend really touchy questions like "does this make me look fat?" or "am I a better kisser than your ex?". and guys, you have full right to ignore them, act like you didn't hear the question and move on. nothing good can come from you answering a loaded question.

3. guys, if another guy offends your girlfriend's honor then you are required to step up for them. even if it means getting the ever living hell beat out of you. girls, if your boyfriend is involved in a fight especially about you, you are required to cheer him on, even if it is a stupid fight. and if your boyfriend does receive the world's biggest boot to the head, then you are obligated to stay with him and help him nurse his wounds. if the fight was in defense of you, then the boyfriend better be receiving alot of affection from you once he's healed. final clause: girls must never, ever, ever leave their boyfriend for the guy that just kicked his ass. i don't care how cute he is or how much of a wimp your boyfriend turned out to be. you just can't kick a man while he's down, especially if he's down because he fought for you.

4.guys, when you get a girlfriend, you are required to remove all of the phone numbers of your old girlfriends and bootycalls from your phone. it's ok to keep their number somewhere (in a 50 pound safe for example) but they must not be where your girlfriend can actually see them, thats just asking for trouble. girls, you are required not to look for phone numbers of old girlfriends. bootycalls. having their number doesn't actually do anything. you're not really gonna call them, all that this does is it gives you something else to argue about.

5. girls, you must never make any negative comments about the size of your boyfriend's equiptment. it's just not cool. guys, in return you must make no comments about her weight. these are both very touchy subjects so treat both with care. to be extra cautious a shrimply hung man should make comments about how light and graceful his girlfriend is. because if she's light and graceful then you must be big and powerful in comparison. it's the gift that keeps on giving.

6. guys and girls, don't write love letters and things of the sort and sign them "love forever" or "i'll always be yours". these will just come back to haunt you at the point of breakup, don't bring in the word "forever" until marriage.

7. guys, you are required to introduce your girlfriend to atleast two of your male friends. this does two things. it proves to your friends that she isn't just a myth and they get to secretly high-five you for getting laid, and your girlfriend gets to see what type of person you are when she's not around. if your friends act like drunken fratboys then she must assume that you act that way too, otherwise, why would you be friends with them? girls, you are forbidden from trying to seperate the boyfriend from is friends. yes they may be crude and disgusting guys, but they've been with him long before you met him and will still be there to bail him out of jail long after you've broken up.

8. girls, you are required to be nice and speak fondly of his mother. almost all men have a secret soft spot for "mom" and if you complain about her to them, then they'll complain about you to her. guys, the same is true of your girlfriend's father. you must speak well of him, even when she's upset at him, cause eventually her and her father will make up again and you'll be left with the guilt of calling her dad a horse's ass while they were fighting.

9. guys and girls. matching outfits, hell no. i don't care how cute they look but that is just taking the relationship too far. it's ok to have a similiar color scheme or for you both to wear the same rock band t-shirt. but matching wardrobe, hell no.

10. girls, your boyfriend is in no way required to let you take him shopping during your relationship. you have no control over how he dresses, just let him be. if he does decide to let you accompany him, try to stay as close to his original tastes as possible just make him dress a little bit neater. rome wasn't built in a day. guys, you are required to take your girlfriend with you when you go clothes shopping atleast once. try to get in and get out with as little of her opinion as possible, and may god have mercy on your soul.

11. guys, even if you did meet your girlfriend at a kegger or in the back seat of a stationwagon or whatever. don't spread that kind of info around. generally speaking girls don't like being portrayed as slutty, even when they are. and you just know that if another girl wanted to tease your girlfriend they would automatically bring up that particular story.

12. guys, if you used a pickup line when you first met your girlfriend, she has full right to tease you for it. girls, your boyfriends have full right to tease you for falling for it.

13. guys/ girls. if you're going out with the "boys" or the "girls" don't go anywhere your bf/gf frequents, nor anyplace that their friends frequent, nor any place that you as a couple go to. just a bad idea. it may have been harmless fun, but it won't be by the time the story gets back to your significant other. think "purple monkey dishwasher". a story about how you ran into an old girlfriend and bought her a drink will turn into you ran into an old girlfriend and disappeared into the mens room for a couple hours. the only exception to this rule is vegas. what happens at vegas, stays in vegas. even if you are seen there no-one, not even your partner's mother will tell them about it. because they next question is "well mom, what were You doing in that strip club?"

14. guys, at some point in your relationship you must recommend some sort of weird sexual act thats been floating in the back of your mind. they'll most likely shoot it down, but maybe, just maybe you might get that menage et trois. plus she can never accuse you of not being sexually adventerous. cause if they do you can just respond "well i asked if you wanted to try the praying monkey position". note: bonus points go to the guy who suggests anything from karma sutra.

15. guys, make sure to find out what "our song" is. if you can't recognize it she might be pissed. girls, he can't be blamed if you never tell him what "our song" is.

16. guys, you don't have to buy her diamonds and jewelry for her to be happy. just buy her flowers on her birthday and on your anniversary. they're not really expensive and they mean alot coming from you. you just have to actually put out some effort and learn what type of flowers she likes. note: flowers when she's feeling down can be more effective than hours of listening to her cry. they will remind her that you care without the need of you to actually care.

17. girls, treat your boyfriend to something special on his birthday or on your anniversary. if you've never given him head and you were thinking of expanding your relationship, now is the perfect time. plus it makes him actually care about dates and anniversaries. (he'll never forget it again). guys, this does not mean that you can try to get her to do anal on her birthday, unless of course she's been ranting about how much she wants to try it.

18. guys, atleast once in your relationship you should try to wake your girlfriend with a kiss. it's romantic, most likely she'll love it, just make sure she wasn't in vietnam or has a black belt or something. girls, try to respond in the same way to your boyfriend. wake him with a kiss, no, not on the lips. yea. every guy should experience it once. plus you'll be the one he's bragging about waking him with a blowjob for the next 2 years.

19. guys/girls, if possible try to go to your partner's work and take them out for lunch atleast once. this A. lets their coworkers see what a fine catch they made, and B. will relieve them from the stress of work, if only for an hour. plus the rest of the day their coworkers will be asking them about you, hence they will spend less time working and more time thinking about you.

20. guys/girls, be sure to make friends with your significant other's best friend. if they like you they'll be the first ones to help you with your partner, if they don't like you they'll be the first ones suggesting that they kick you to the curb.